Favored
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… It’s peppermint mocha season, friends! Do I want whip with that? Of course. My friend recently introduced me to Trader Joe’s Peppermint Jo Jo—an Oreo with minty crushed candy canes mixed into the fluffy center and paired with a glass of cold milk: yes, please. Then there’s always creamy pinkish peppermint ice cream with little nubby bits of crunchable candy cane. I’ve always loved a chocolate-mint combo (hello, Thin Mints!), but at Christmastime, something festive and celebratory blooms in my spirit when I see peppermint hitting the shelves and shops.
On the other hand, Ty hates peppermint. Well, mint flavor in general. He’ll do gum, but mint ice cream, cookies, and beverages gross him out. Because of this, my teenage daughters love to buy mint chocolate chip ice cream: if Dad doesn’t eat it, it will last much longer. My, my, these people are getting smarter all the time.
Isn’t it interesting? A flavor that brings me so much joy repulses my favorite person?
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Flavor, Favor, Favorite. Three words that sound very similar and yet mean different things.
Favor: approval, support, or liking for someone/something
Flavor: the essential character of something
Favorite: preferred before all others of the same kind
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Recently, I’ve been poking at the word favor with a sharp stick, and I’m unsure what to make of it.
For Advent, I’ve been reading through the first two chapters of Luke, which starts with the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth, two childless old fogies long past baby-bearing age. Zechariah is a priest. Verses 6-7 tell us that Both of them were righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly. But they were childless because Elizabeth was not able to conceive, and they were both very old.
In their culture and time, their lives are a tragedy, a train wreck with which to give a wide berth, so you avoid getting too close. A cloud of shame hangs over their home. People would wonder and whisper: What secret sins do they harbor that God would punish them like this? Even though they’ve done everything right, this has not gone right for them; frankly, it’s the only thing that mattered.
But never fear! An angel shows up to old Zechariah and tells him that his prayers have been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John. He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, for he will be great in the sight of the Lord.
After a heated conversation between Zechariah and the angel, and a verbal “time-out” for the old priest, he goes home, and Elizabeth does indeed conceive. I’ve been mulling over Elizabeth’s response:
“The Lord has done this for me,” she said. “In these days, he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people.”
He has shown his favor. The tables are turning for Elizabeth. Her circumstances are flipping on their head. Her deepest source of shame is flowering into her greatest pride and joy. The condemning side-eye of the townspeople will turn to wide-eyed wonder as they behold her growing belly.
God has taken away her disgrace. He is redeeming her tragic humiliation, and she joins the line of faithful barren women before her, like Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, and Hannah. Her name will be remembered generation after generation as a woman favored by God.
This must be what favor looks like.
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The very following sentence introduces us to a whole new story. Elizabeth’s joy is put on hold while her cousin Mary enters the scene.
In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”
Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”
Wow. What an announcement. Perhaps Mary’s heart is filled with joy at this proclamation, but then again, maybe not.
Mary is not married to a priest. She is not married at all. Mary is barely old enough to be engaged—she’s probably a 12-14-year-old girl, planning a wedding feast with her mother and father, I’m sure. She has not been crying out to the Lord for a baby. A baby will be her ruin. The life she’s been anticipating: a wedding, a family with Joseph, building a life together… it is all about to be undone.
Her circumstances are flipping on their head. What would be her greatest pride and joy in another time is flowering into her deepest source of shame. The condemning side-eye of the townspeople will turn to her as they behold her growing belly.
And yet, twice, we read that Mary is favored, even highly favored by God.
Is this what favor looks like?
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A few years ago, my family went to see a production of The Unusual Tale of Mary and Joseph’s Baby; a Christmas musical put on by a local theatre group called River and Rail. It was beautifully simple, with no elaborate stage props or backdrops, no ornate costumes or makeup. It was also honest: this story probably didn’t feel magical to the people who were involved. It was more likely that Mary and her family, along with Joseph, tossed and turned at night, woke up with bags under their eyes, and wished it would all just disappear. Life was easier before this complicated intrusion.
One of my favorite songs from the play, voiced by Mary, is called Joseph’s Never Going to Believe Me. The scene is set in Elizabeth’s home, where Mary has fled for a visit. You can listen and follow along with the words here, and I genuinely hope you will.
I know I told God I’d do whatever he needed.
I know that once he starts a thing, he’s gonna complete it.
I know that if you live the life of God’s chosen servant–
Sure, you get a faith that’s alive and fervent–
But nobody ever wants the prophet around.
They always chase ’em all to the edge of the town.
The heroes of the faith are always so well-known,
But they also almost always wind up totally alone.
I’m gonna miss the good life Joseph woulda shown me,
Cause nobody ever really knew me like Joseph has known me.
And I told God I’d give up anything to help set his people free.
I meant what I said, and I got what I wanted,
But I never thought about how lonely it would be,
Cause Joseph’s never gonna believe me.
Elizabeth, don’t misunderstand what I’m saying.
I’m still humbled by the role that I’m playing.
Its wonderful, miraculous, and everything,
But you’ll forgive me for the lack of happiness I bring
Since the one with whom I want to share my joy
Turns out to be the one the news will surely destroy.
It feels like deliverance is gonna be personally expensive.
So, Elizabeth, forgive me if I’m just a little bit apprehensive.
I’m gonna miss the good life joseph would’a shown me,
Cause nobody ever really knew me like joseph has known me.
I told God I’d give up anything to help set his people free.
I meant what I said, and I got what I wanted,
But I never thought about how lonely it would be.
’Cause Joseph--
Joseph’s--
Joseph’s never gonna believe me!
It feels like deliverance is gonna be personally expensive.
Indeed, Mary. And you don’t even know half of it.
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We often sit in our stories and don’t feel very favored. Like my family’s ice cream preferences, I find myself peering into my neighbor’s life, marriage, health, or home and saying: I’d prefer that, please. I don’t care for this flavor I have right here, thank you. This is not enjoyable to me.
Sometimes, we are just complaining and ungrateful for what we have. But, once in a while, it’s valid. The pain and cost are far more significant than most people will ever experience. As for Mary, the Divine Plan is enormous and heavy.
I have previously mentioned my cousin with cancer in Oregon on the blog. She has two small children, a husband, and loving parents: my Aunt Sue and Uncle Tom. She is just a year or so younger than I am.
Sue and Katie flew to MD Anderson in Houston for a second opinion on her situation. I was living there at the time, receiving my radiation treatment. We grabbed a bite of dinner together; Cousins with Cancer—she was sugar-free, dairy-free, and meat-free. She did all the diet things right for cancer.
That was just over one year ago. Katie passed away earlier this week.
I got the news as I was pulling into the garage. I parked the car, rested my head on the steering wheel, and sobbed. I cried for Sue and Tom, for her kids and family, and for Katie. In some odd way, I also shed tears for myself.
And the whisper I keep hearing on repeat is
Katie: you who are highly favored.
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This year, I will have a normal and happy Christmas at home with my family, while Katie’s family will have a private service on an Oregon beach.
A baby—God’s miraculous plan—removed Elizabeth’s shame. A baby—God’s miraculous plan—ushered in Mary’s shame.
Do you see why I’ve been poking at the word favor with a sharp stick?
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I don’t have answers for you. I’d love to wrap this up like a Christmas gift, shiny and glittery with a big bow on top, but that’s not the Jesus way. King Jesus—the most favored and the favorite one—did not enter the world into easy circumstances. And God’s Divine Plan for his life: well, no one’s burden has ever been heavier.
It can be tempting to jump straight to heaven. We all want—and need—Good News. But we aren’t there yet. Katie is, yet her kids still have a lifetime ahead of them without their mom, and it’s fair to sit with that and say, “Really? This is what favor looks like?”
It’s not only fair, it is good. We call this wrestling with God.
Emmanuel means God with Us. He is with us in cancer, in death, and at the funeral service. He is also with us in the joy and laughter around a Christmas tree.
No matter where you find yourself this season, He is in your midst, you who are highly favored. May it be enough for us.
