The Root System

Two are better than one, because they have good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can pick the other up. But pity the one who falls and has no one to pick them up. -Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

One of my friends recently had a tree fall on her house. It tore through the roof and walls of her 12-year old son’s room—the room he had just left moments before. It fell directly onto his bed.

We are all so thankful that he is fine (and everybody else in their family, for that matter). But it was scary. It was alarming. It makes me warily eyeball every tree in my own yard.

It was the water. We had rain in the days prior. Apparently, the rain loosened all the roots in the ground and it just toppled… right into their house.

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The Giant Sequoia Forest takes up more than 48,000 acres—that’s about the size of Cleveland.  It is home to groves of Redwoods, the largest trees in the world, some towering over 300 feet tall (as tall as a 31-story building). These trees are enormous.

Most Redwood groves are likely around 2,000 years old. You’d think that a tree of this stature and age would have very, very deep roots. How else could these outrageously tall trees stay upright for thousands of years?

Actually: Redwood tree roots are very shallow, often only five or six feet deep. But they thrive in thick groves, where their roots can intertwine and even fuse together underground. The Redwood groves can survive and thrive for thousands of years because they are all in it together. They are actually secured by their neighbor’s roots.

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It has been 3 weeks since I found out that I have breast cancer. Time moves both fast and slow. In the beginning, it’s like drinking out of a firehose. The information is intense, furious, and overwhelming. Biopsies, tests, doctors, more tests. People texting their own doctor recommendations or stories from friends or friends’ friends. It’s knowledge; which is good. It’s just a lot to take in.

I’ve also learned that Cancer Equals Waiting. You have this biopsy, or this scan, and you wait for the results. And then the results come back ‘inconclusive,’ so they send for further testing. You wait some more. People ask what stage it is. Friends ask about the results of tests. Family wants to know what the treatment plan is.

You have no answers. Just more waiting.

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But something miraculous happens in the waiting. As Ty and I hone in with razor sharp focus on the most important matter at hand—Cancer treatment—I’ve watched an army mobilized into action:

-I came home from the doctor one day to find my fridge stocked with groceries and dinner for the night. My Bible Study—five wonderful women I’ve walked with over the last four years—included homemade margaritas… my love language!

-My neighbor (a grown woman!) bounced on her trampoline with Eden for an hour while I went to an appointment. Friend: have you bounced on a trampoline recently? I defy you. She must have been supernaturally appointed.

-A friend dropped by the studio with age-appropriate books on cancer for my kids, including Eden’s new favorite, “How to Care for a Very Sick Bear.” Eden also loves to look at illustrations in one of the books for the older girls and ask me again why I’ll lose my hair? And I have a beautiful opportunity to talk with my 3-year old about mommy getting sick. And actually, that’s a gift.

-We received restaurant gift cards from a stranger… someone I’ve never met. A friend of a friend. What unbelievable thoughtfulness.

-The breast cancer community has mobilized to gather another one into their fold. Texts, support, phone calls… women so willing to share their own experiences with you and listen to your questions. Strangers! Women I didn’t even know three weeks ago are now practically on speed dial. What an amazing opportunity to be invited into someone else’s life.

-Our Meal Train list is booked through mid-November. Every other day through November. It is amazing. When I look through this list of folks that are bringing us meals, it runs the gamut: church friends, wedding industry friends, foodie friends, old college friends, the girls’ friends from school, extended family, neighbors. It is like watching the life I’ve lived parade across my driveway before my very eyes. It is humbling.

The list goes on and on. The texts, the cards in the mail to encourage me, the songs people have sent meant to lift us up, the cheerful flowers delivered, the lunches brought to the office, the prayer. So many good things. So many wonderful people. So much action on our behalf.

We are supported. Loved. Surrounded. Humbled. Thankful.

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We find ourselves standing tall even amid the flood, due to the root system that surrounds us. We won’t fall—we’re intertwined with so many wonderful people. Some of these relationships are twenty years old and more. Some are newer, but one thing remains true: they’re all a part of this intricate web of roots that undergirds us at this moment.

I suppose I could end this post here, but it feels incomplete. Because the thing is: building a lifetime of relationships does take effort. I’d hate for you to read this and think, “Oh, Ty and Sarah are so lucky to have so many wonderful people.” Because yes, some of that is true. And some of it takes work.

Inviting people over to dinner takes work. Getting up and going to that Bible Study regularly takes work. Attending the book club takes work. Diving a little deeper with people also takes work. Asking the hard question and getting to know the real them requires effort.  And showing the real you to people can be even harder.

If we shirk the relational hard work, then we will miss the goodness. It is that simple. The tree that stands alone will topple.

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One of the silver linings of the last three weeks is the friends that I’ve been back on the phone with. Not texting; not emailing. Actually calling and talking with them. Friends want to hear updates and I’ve found it lovely just to talk to them. I’ll call one while I’m on a walk. I’ll talk to another when I’m driving home from work. I may call someone while I’m in the school pickup line.

Perhaps that’s one simple step forward into your own relational root system: pick up the phone and call someone that you wouldn’t normally call. It might just be that easy.